I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
