New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
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