Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
