i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
