You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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