Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
