Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
