Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
