So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
