I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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