pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
