you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
