At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Can I color on your dick again?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
