Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
