Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
