Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
