If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
