It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
