he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
