i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
