It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
