I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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