farters have to be the big spoon...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
