I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
