Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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