how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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