I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
