You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
