Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
