Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
