Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize