u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
