I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
