Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
