Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
