I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
