You're my little dorito
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
