she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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