nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
