well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
