He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
