My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
