I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
