if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i dont even know how to be here
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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