Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
