i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
