Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
