Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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