i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
