I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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