My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
