how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We have started to decorate penises.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
