beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
