Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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