I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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