Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
