Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
