pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
