i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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