i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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