I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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