I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
